Tag Archives: LifeTheUniverseAndEverything

LE 86: Matthew Slusser

Freaking the fuck out.

Guys, what do you do? I realize that’s an odd start out of the gate with no context, but right now, I feel like an odd start out of the gate with no context. What am I talking about? I don’t even really know.

If you’ve been following along on this journey—fuck that. I hate things being described as journeys, but I also equally hate people describing something as a path or a road, because beyond being cliche, it all sounds so planned and linear. Life is nothing if not not linear. I mean, sure, time moves in one direction—forward, but the distance traveled between A and B is never a straightforward thing. At least not in my experience. A is the starting point and B is the end point, but from A there is often a misstep backwards into a steaming shit-pile of Z, then rolling down a steep embankment through thistles to come to a dazed and moaning stop in F, then at last certain you’ve found a shortcut to B but winding up stuck for ten years in H… you get the idea.

I don’t like roller coasters—never have—but it feels like I got on one a few years ago that’s been on a steady climb ever since, and now I’m just kind of trying not to look for the crest and inevitable free fall. It can’t be far off. Except that it can be, and it might never be this terrifying drop I’m anticipating—maybe things will just level off, even out, and everything will be great. That’s not the way I function, though. I wish it were, but it’s not. I don’t have that practiced, self-assured way of thinking. As soon as things start to go well, I go straight to disaster prep mode. I guess you could say I’m a negativity prepper.

So back to the opening question, what do you do? How do you cope? How do you keep yourself from spiraling into an overwhelming pit of depression and anxiety that is not only self-destructive, but makes you difficult for other people to deal with as well?

As I write this, we, Janell and I, are just two days out from the launch party for our first book from Hoot n Waddle, Chris Danowski’s DOGSEAR. I should be filled with joy and a sense of accomplishment—this is exactly the kind of thing that I wanted to be doing with my life—but all I can do is focus on the “what if.” What if no one shows up? What if no one buys the book? What if I just fuck the whole thing up in some grand and fiery way?

I’ve begun having panic attacks. That’s new. I’ve always had problems with anxiety, but it was all in my head. Now, there are these physical manifestations. My breathing gets sharp and shallow, I get a little light headed, I begin to feel like I need to scream, but can’t. I’m sort of going through a little of that now. I need to get grounded and enjoy all of this in the moment—we’re publishing a fucking book! That’s freaking amazing! I don’t know how to be happy about it, though.

The launch is this Saturday. I’m writing this Thursday night so that I don’t have to stress about writing The Blarg and posting the new Limited Engagement and updating all the various things that need to be updated on top of the launch. I guess you’ll have to wait to hear about how I handled the launch and everything after until the next Blarg.

On this edition of Limited Engagement, Matthew Slusser discusses podcasting, Henry Rollins, the end of his band Phantom Party, and much more. Be sure to check out his podcast, Getting Stoked.

Best,
Jared

Listen to LE 86 – Matthew Slusser

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under The Blarg

The Blarg No. 69: Jenna Duncan

I’m not gonna lie, I’ve had a hell of a time coming up with this edition of The Blarg. Sometimes they flow, and sometimes they don’t. This time it REALLY didn’t flow—no matter how many chips I ate, or how long I stared at the screen, so this one is going to be pretty brief, but don’t let that reflect on the episode, because it’s one of my favorites so far.

I do have a couple of things to plug if you’ll permit me that indulgence. I’m not really sure why I phrased it that way, because I’m about to do it regardless. The Blarg isn’t really democracy, is it? I write something, and either you read it or you don’t. That’s the way it should be.

This Thursday, January 25th at 7pm, I’ll be sharing a story as part of the lineup for this month’s Storyline Slam at the Phoenix Changing Hands location. Tickets are $6 in advance, $8 at the door. The theme is “music.” I may have a story or two (thousand) that fits in.

Last week, I went on at length about my feelings regarding the way the Insight II project went down. Outside of those feelings which had to do with the venue and the way the organizers failed to communicate the affiliations of that venue or their politics, I’m actually really proud of the work I did in collaboration with artist Ryan Parra. If you want to see/read that work, you can pick up the chapbook published by Four Chambers Press. Pick up any of the other 17 chapbooks containing the writer/artist collaborations for this project while you’re at it. The work is stunning—focus on the work.

You may know Jenna Duncan from her work for JAVA magazine, her participation in storytelling events around the valley (including Untidy Secrets and Chain Letter), or more generally for her integral role in the Phoenix arts scene. In addition to JAVA, you can read Jenna’s work in the anthology The Grey Alley: Vol. 2 from Empty City Press; you can also see her on Check Please, Arizona on PBS on January 25th at 7pm (available now for Arizona PBS Passport members); and she will be taking part in a reading on February 3rd at 7pm coinciding with an upcoming art sale for Phoenix Nasty Women Unite benefiting Planned Parenthood (location TBA, though probably Grand ArtHaus or {9}).

This show with Jenna is a long one. I tried editing it down, but on listening back to it there wasn’t much I felt I could cut (except for all the “you know”s—I said that a lot this time, sorry about that). This conversation with Jenna is one of the easiest, most laid back ones I’ve ever had on this show, and that’s saying something, because this show can be pretty laid back.

Listen to LE 69 – Jenna Duncan

Best,
Jared

Leave a comment

Filed under The Blarg